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Twelve Days of Giveaways DAY EIGHT with Claude Bouchard!

This is a real TREAT today! Claude Bouchard has written an amazing cookbook with a GREAT title....but don't let it fool you! Be sure to leave a comment to win your free ebook copy of SOMETHING'S COOKING!

About the origin of Something’s Cooking: It started as a joke during an online chat with a group of writer friends as we were discussing the popularity of romance, erotica and cookbooks on some Amazon top lists. The discussion ended but the thought lingered so I figured, "Why not?" I proceeded to select ten recipes I'd made countless times before and, under the pseudonyms, Réal E. Hotte and Dasha Sugah, wrote ten corresponding faux-erotica short stories. It should be noted that each story contains explicit cooking activities which may suggest erotica but never once does anyone actually ‘get it on’. What follows is the final short story and recipe from Something’s Cooking. Bon appétit!

I Want Something Rich and Creamy to Pleasure Myself

The tall hunk walked into Monica's tiny bakery, unknowingly about to cause her heart to skip as it had so many times since he had started showing up at her fledgling business three weeks earlier.
Left speechless by his astonishing attractiveness as of his first visit, Monica had quickly ordered one of her assistants to cater to his needs. Such events had subsequently occurred time and again as this Adonis shamelessly ventured forth day after day to be served by one then another of Monica's young, attractive assistants, all of whom jumped at the chance to interact with this living legend of manhood.
Her business, being one of servicing the needs of those desiring baked goods, had quickly led her to having staff on hand to serve those seeking a warm, hot breakfast bun or croissant, then leaving for the better portion of the day during which she could handle her small kitchen solo, baking the fabulous desserts for the dinner pleasures of her late afternoon customers.
"Hello?" The rich, baritone call came as she busied herself, preparing sweet fare for her well-to-do clientele in the coming hours. She was alone. None of her staff was around to help her...
"Yes, can I help you?" Monica replied, rushing out of the kitchen to find herself face to face with Adonis and exclaiming. "Oh my God, it’s you!"
"Do I know you?" the delectable creature inquired.
"I want to know you... I'm sorry," Monica stammered. "I meant, I want, uh, how can I help you?"
"I want something rich and creamy to pleasure myself," replied Adonis in a confident tone. "Can you satisfy me?"
"Squeeeee!" Monica exclaimed before getting a grip on herself and clearing her throat. "I'll do whatever I can to satisfy your needs."
"Excellent," Adonis replied, taking in her tight, lithe form with a seductive smile. "Show me what you can do."
Wordlessly, she led him into the kitchen, guiding him to a comfortable chair by her main work station.
"You just relax, big boy," she purred, "And I'll show you exactly what I can do..."
As he watched her, she proceeded to melt her butter and stir it up, somewhat vigorously, with Graham cracker crumbs and sugar. He licked his lips as she laid the mixture in a pan, pressing it firmly before sliding it into her hot oven.
"Ohh, baby," he murmured.
"Sshhhh," she replied with a teasing smile. "You ain't seen nothing yet."
He watched her, fascinated, as she pulled a large bowl towards her across the counter. Awed by her technique, he gazed upon her as she further softened the already warmed cream cheese then, with the mixer, started slowly blending it with flour and salt.
"What's your name, woman?" he demanded hoarsely.
"Shut your mouth," she commanded with a knowing swing of her hips. "Watch and learn, big man."
Excited and stimulated by his voyeurism, she proceeded to slide in an egg yolk at a time, increasing the speed as she went. Hearing his breathing accelerating as he observed her, she gradually added cream, sugar and vanilla.
"You're killing me, doll," he moaned.
"You want it rich and creamy, baby?" she cooed. "Then let Monica do her thing until it's like you want it."
He groaned as she beat the egg whites into stiff peaks then slowly folded them into the creamy cheese mixture.
“Faster,” he begged.
“It’s much better slow,” she teased. “Watch this.”
Raising her dripping beaters out of her mixing bowl, she grasped it with both hands and let her rich batter ooze onto her golden Graham crust.
"Monica, I just can’t take it anymore," he pleaded as he watched her glistening body working before him.
"Just a couple more hours, sugar," she soothed. "This is going in my hot oven while I whip up a glaze to make it nice and sweet for my man."

Recipe: Cheesecake


  • 1 cup Graham cracker crumbs
  • 2 tbsp melted butter
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 16 oz cream cheese (softened)
  • 2 tbsp flour
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 4 egg yolks
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 4 egg whites
  • 1 cup 15% cream

Makin’ it

  • Mix Graham cracker crumbs, melted butter and sugar (2 tbsp).
  • Layer in bottom of spring pan or Pyrex dish and bake at 350F for 10 minutes.
  • With a mixer, blend cream cheese, flour and salt.
  • Continue mixing while adding egg yolks, one at a time.
  • Still mixing, gradually add cream then sugar and vanilla.
  • Once mixture is smooth, beat egg whites until stiff, firm peaks form.
  • Fold in egg whites into cheese mixture.
  • Pour into Graham crust lined pan or dish and bake 1 hour at 325F.
  • Remove from oven and let cool.

Fruit Glaze


  • 2 and 1/2 cups strawberries (can be substituted with any other berry, pineapple chunks, kiwi, etc)
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 and 1/2 tbsp cornstarch
  • 1/4 cup cold water

Makin’ it

  • Mash/purée 1/2 cup fruit.
  • Combine with 1/4 cup water and sugar in pot.
  • Bring to a boil on medium heat an cook 15 minutes stirring constantly.
  • Mix cornstarch with 1/4 cup cold water.
  • Stir into hot mixture and continue cooking/stirring until thickened.
  • Remove from heat and let cool.
  • Mix in remaining fruit.
  • Pour and spread glaze on cheesecake.

Refrigerate until serving.

I was born in MontrealCanada, where I still reside with my spouse, Joanne. I completed my studies in human resources, accounting and management at McGill University and worked in various management capacities in the fields of HR and finance for a handful of firms for what seemed like decades, because it was. I should also mention I love pizza, but who doesn't and, in my opinion, nothing rocks more than cooking on the grill.

My first stab at writing was in 1995, the result being my first novel, Vigilante. This was subsequently followed by The Consultant (1996) and Mind Games (1997), all of the same series.

Professional obligations and other creative interests led me away from writing for a number of years but I found myself busy at the keyboard in 2009 with The Homeless Killer after having finally published my first three novels. I then followed up with 6 Hours 42 Minutes in 2011, also part of the VIGILANTE Series born from Vigilante. In July 2011, I released ASYLUM, my first stand-alone novel and Discreet Activities, my sixth VIGILANTE Series crime thriller was published in January 2012. In October 2012, I penned and released Something’s Cooking, a faux-erotica parody and cookbook under the pseudonyms Ré
al E. Hotte and Dasha Sugah. I think I'm really starting to like this writing thing.

Besides writing, editing and promoting my work, I also spend some artistic energy with my five guitars, oil paints and watercolours. Other passions include cooking (big time with fine wine to go with it, of course), reading, traveling and working out just enough to stay fit. It should also be noted that following several years of practice, I now excel at being cat furniture for Krystalle and Midnight, or so they tell me.



  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Jean, and the recipes are delicious.

  2. As one who was priveleged to have been an observer of the referred FB chat, I must say that seeing the idea become a reality is a real hoot :) Congrats!

    Congrats on your win, Emerald! I hope you enjoy the book :)

    1. Thanks, Andrea. it was too fun an idea to leave by the wayside. :)

  3. I think that will be a very interesting read. Sounds like fun.


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