Tonya Kappes

Tonya Kappes

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Girlie Wisdom!


Happy Hump DAY!!!! Today I wanted to give you a little smile on your face while I'm working away on my edits for the next novel in the Grandberry Falls series, HAPPY NEW LIFE!



Girlie Wisdom!

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… She has 14 kids but doesn’t really care.

2. One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today…

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my underwear…

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like…’You know sometimes I forget to eat!‘ …..Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12.. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day!

I hope I put a smile on your face! Do you have any GIRLIE WISDOM to add to my growing list?

Saturday, September 24, 2011

#Sample Sunday The Ladybug Jinx


In honor of the second book in my Grandberry Falls series, HAPPY NEW LIFE, I'm going to give you a little sample of my first novel in the series, THE LADYBUG JINX.




“If you have two pennies, spend one on bread

and one on a flower. The bread will give you

life and the flower will give you a reason to live.”

Chinese Proverb

1

Celia stood on the cobblestone walkway looking at the name, ever so elegantly painted over the bay window in beautiful cursive writing: The Ladybug Florist.

“Will that be all?” the painter asked, poking his head out of the doorway.

She followed him inside and admired the Chinese proverb he’d painted over the cash register. “You do fine work,” she said.

She was pleased with the details. Except for one thing. “Before you go, can you make the dot on the ‘I’ in Florist a ladybug?” Celia asked.

It’s all about the details to Celia, all the way down to placing a ladybug sticker in each arrangement, in the right spot.

The painter didn’t question her. He set his ladder up behind the cash register and began to work his magic. Celia left him alone to finish. There was new inventory to put up, flowers to cut, and arrangements to be made. With orders flowing in, she wasn’t about to complain.

Celia had dreamed of owning her own English floral shop, and when the two bedroom cottage on the outskirts of Grandberry Falls, Kentucky, went up for sale--Celia snatched the opportunity.

Celia bent down to stop Charlie from barking when the bell hanging above the front door rang. “Shh! You’re going to scare the customers.”

After Celia’s mother died, she went to the pound in Lexington to look for a dog for her father. A companion of sorts. Instead, the silver-haired miniature schnauzer found her. She was perfect for him, as Charlie was for her. He gave her two things a man never could: loyalty and unconditional love.

“I can’t keep up with all these deliveries, Celia.” Marty Briggs’ voice boomed throughout the old clapboard house. “You are going to have to hire someone. I’m just too old.”

She started to snip away the bright orange Gerber daisies as her father came in. She didn’t have to look up to hear the anger in his voice. He was good at letting her know how much he dislikes being the only flower delivery boy in town.

“I know, Dad, but you’re retired, and it gives you something to do. Everyone in town is always telling me how much they love visiting with you.” She continued to cut one daisy after the other, keeping a cautious eye on her father.

“When you started this business you told me that I would be delivering on a temporary basis.”

Marty looked at the arrangements left to be delivered.

“You need to hire someone else. Place a wanted ad in this week’s paper.”

“Don’t you enjoy getting out of the house and visiting with Mamie down at the Fatted Pig during your coffee breaks?” Celia looked up to see if her dad would react at the mere mention of Mamie Beale’s name.

Celia’s heard faint rumors about Mamie taking a fancy to her father over the past few months.

“Celia Briggs, what are you implying?” Marty’s voice gave off a distinct displeasure to her accusations.

“I’m not implying anything, Dad. I think you need to get out of your house, and if you’re not delivering flowers you might not ever leave your TV.” Celia wasn’t about to tell him not to court Mamie, or press him for more information when he clearly wasn’t going to be forthcoming.

“Well.” Marty bent down to pick up a couple arrangements. “I can’t do them all anymore. You’re business is growing, and I’m more tired now than I was at Benton’s.”

Celia had several fond memories of her father being the manager at Benton’s IGA, the only grocery store in town. Many times she’d fling the Coke bottles down the bottle return as fast as she could so they would break in a big pile at the end. And many times she heard Mavis Prattle scream, “Marty Briggs, that child of yours has got to go home!” It only caused Celia to fling them harder the next time.

She knew her dad was right. The job was getting bigger than she planned. But, every since he’d been delivering flowers, she’d seen a difference in him. It was hard on all of them since her mother passed a couple years ago.

Besides, Celia only gave him what she called “happy orders”: birthdays, anniversaries, births, just because occasions. He wasn’t ready for funeral homes, the sick or death deliveries. She left those for herself, which she found was leaving her little time to fulfill the orders too.

“Oh! Dad, wait!” Celia grabbed the ladybug stickers and ran after him.

“That’s the first words out of people’s mouth, ‘Mr. Briggs, where’s the ladybug?’”

Her dad made the funniest excited woman’s voice causing Celia to giggle.

“I love when you make me laugh. Now shoo.” Celia signaled for him to get going.

“Don’t forget about the delivery boy wanted ad. I mean it, Celia.” His face became stern. “I can’t do this all by myself anymore. It’s just getting too big.”

She shooed him out the door before she heard another word.

“Anything else?” The painter asked.

Wiping her hands on the apron, she then retrieved a tip for his time. “It looks great.” She held the tip out.

Pushing the money aside, the painter said, “If you don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind having a few daisies to take home to my wife.” He pointed in the other room towards the freezers. “My wife loves the simple daisy.”

Celia held back from laughing. If he only knew the complexity that simple flower has made upon the world. A whole philosophy was born when Buddha held up a single lotus. The simple flower was what made her love her job. Flowers make everyone happy, even the grumpy painter.

She opened the freezer, taking in a deep breath. The freeing feeling she got from the whiff of the fresh flowers caused her heart to glide along with soaring memories of her grandfather’s words. “Cee, if you are ever sad, go over to my freezer, and put your nose up to the seal. Inhale through your nose, open and shut the door. All your cares will melt away as the scents mingle, and swirl around.”

She held out the bucket of daisies. “Pick a stalk. Three.”

The painter eyed each one carefully and pulled out the prettiest three.

“Good choice.” Celia placed the bucket back in the freezer, and took the stems from the painter.

Silently he followed her back to the old kitchen where Celia worked her magic. Placing the final touch, she stuck a ladybug on a single white petal.

“You really like ladybugs.” The painter admired the arrangement.

“My grandfather always told me they were good luck.” She handed the vase to him. “They haven’t let me down yet.”


Barnes and Noble

Amazon.com

Smashwords

Google Books


Be sure to join the blog!! I'm going to pick a winner at the end of September to win a SWAG BAG with so much cool stuff in it!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Advantages Of A Small Town




I grew up in a small town, and like most I couldn't wait to get out and explore the vast world. Only....the vast world was only two hours from my
small town to the city of Cincinnati, Ohio. and trust me Cincinnati, although I love it, isn't the vast world.

The older I got I became to appreciate the small town and what it meant to me. I realized moving to a larger city life has become very busy, hustle and bustle, smog, violence, you know.


When I decided to become a writer, well~I've always been a writer, but when I decided to write for publication, I knew I wanted to base a series around a small town and the people in it.

Let's take a look at what you will find in a small town. First you will notice there isn't any traffic, only a few straggling cars. But people! The people are walking around the town with little fear of safety. So much so you can almost feel it. They say hello to you and give you eye contact. They ask about your family, and invite you over to pick some berries or tomato
es out of their garden.

And the buildings! How amazing are those old buildings. They are the core of the town. Generally small town buildings are compact, well organized and centered around the city building. It embraces you, giving you that welcome feel. There is a sense of belonging. And that feels good!

Did you take a big deep breathe? No? Well do! How about that?
Fresh air! Clean fresh air. Free of smog!

Have you seen a small town school? Yes, there is no barbed wire around it, or metal detectors. Just kids all over the school yard, laughing, eating, and making jokes. Harmless. The building itself is small, with few teachers, but that's because there are fewer children in small towns. As you can read on the school's marque, the upcoming dances, PTA meetings, and other school spirit activities taking place.

Then there are the business. Local, homegrown doctor (who might be a vet too), locally owned grocery store, feed and seed, post office, and florist.

These are just a few reasons why small communities are being sought after. People are wanting the hometown, good salt of the earth life for their families. Most of these communities are only a hop, skip, and jump away from larger cities where most the families travel to work.

These communities offer charm, a sense of humanity. When someone is sick, the entire community jumps in and helps the family. No matter how hard I try to make this happen in my community, it just doesn't happen. Of course my kids are great, and we love our neighbors, school, and jobs, but there's something to be said about the love and warmth of a small town.

The Ladybug Jinx is the first in a series of novels set in my fictitious small Grandberry Falls. I've built a community around the lives of the residents there, and I hope you enjoy visiting Grandberry Falls. The second book in the Grandberry Falls Series, Happy New Life, will be released in October!

You can click on the Grandberry Falls tab and take a stroll down Main Street.

What do you think about small town life?
Be sure to join the blog!! I'm going to pick a winner at the end of September to win a SWAG BAG with so much cool stuff in it!!
AND....be sure to head over to Jaye Ormerod's blog today where she gave CARPE BEAD 'EM a FIVE beach umbrella review!http://bit.ly/mZwJ5l
SQUEEEE!!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

#Sample Sunday Splitsville.com






One

“Is Brittany there?” I question the quiet voice who answers my call. The quiet voice whose heart is about to get run over by a Mac truck. A Mac truck driven by me.

“Yes, this is her.” Brittany confirms while I’m uploading her picture sent to me by Terry, her soon to be ex-boyfriend.

“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com,” I say going into my spiel, “and I’m calling on behalf of Terry who wants to break up with you.”

Brittany’s picture pops up on the screen. My heart bleeds for the smiling twenty something year old gal staring back at me. Her straight red hair is cut in a blunt bob, not a strand out of place. Glistening white teeth come off whiter up against her perfectly belted black cardigan.

Let me backtrack a minute. Splitsville.com started a couple of years ago when a friend wanted to dump her boyfriend. She was a big chicken, so I did it for her. Called his ass up, broke the news and Splitsville.com was born.

Here’s how it works. Clients contact me through the online form where they give their name, email address, working phone number, reason for dumping, a few details of their relationship, and a picture of the victim and, this is the most important part, payment in full. The reason for the cashola up front is in case the dump is a joke. In that case, they deserve to lose their money for being an ass and I deserve to keep it for having to deal with them.

I offer three “Break Up” packages. The cheapest and most popular is “the general break-up” for a low price of fifty dollars. “The engagement break-up” is a little steeper at one hundred dollars. It totally should be more because I can’t imagine being in the fiancĂ©’s shoes on this one. And the worst and most expensive break-up of all is “the divorce break-up” setting up the big jerk back a mere two hundred dollars.

I know, it sounds heartless, but really, I’m helping people who are in loveless relationships be free. Like the girl on my computer who’s staring back at me. Sometimes, no matter how badly a person wants out, they just can’t pull the trigger. Splitsville.com, which means me, does it instead. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s my job so I don’t let my emotions into the equation.

Right on cue, she says, “Terry hired you?” Brittany is starting the first stage in “The Process.”
And the panic button is being pushed.

“The Process” is a list I’ve carefully crafted over the course of breaking up for people. No
matter what the circumstances of the dump, the process is still the same.

The Process

1. Panic (This is the first emotion when they hear the words break-up.)
2. Disbelief (They think I’m playing a joke on them.)
3. Defensive (After they realize I’m not joking, they want to explain their side.)
4. Explanation (They want me to explain the situation all over.)
5. Denial (This is where they take it out on me and deny my existence.)
6. Anger (Awww…where my ear drum becomes busted.)
7. Acceptance (Finally! They have to acknowledge the break-up and I can end the call.)

“Yes Terry hired me to break-up with you. Your obsessive habits drive him crazy.” I only state the facts in the beginning because I know she’s only taking in one word at a time. And if I get soft, the whole call will go to hell. I show my weakness and it’s over.

“How do you know Terry?” Her voice is beginning to escalate. “Is he cheating on me with you?”
Ahh…here goes number two in “the process.” She wants to cross-examine me on how I know Terry.

I take a deep breath and keep going. One thing’s for sure, this job is not easy. “No, Brit. Can I call you Brit?” I don’t wait for her answer. “He hired me to dump you because your OCD is getting in the way of your relationship.” I look at the sweet picture of Brittany that Terry sent me. I can image the fear in her eyes, especially if she’s OCD.

“I’m sorry?” She questions me like she doesn’t understand English.

“Terry emailed my online break-up service, Spitsville.com. He hired me to break up with you for him because your OCD is getting in the way of the relationship.” I practically repeat myself, but it’s usually necessary. Breakup services, after all, aren’t common like matchmaking websites. I’m one of a kind

Saturday, September 17, 2011

New Fall Line Up

Over the past couple of years there hasn't been a lot of television shows that have really kept my attention (other than BIG BROTHER *shout out to Mary Godschalk and Stephanie Overton!)


This year seems different! There is a lot of commercials for new television shows with a good mix of genres.


YES! I have to say that I'm very excited about the new CHARLIE'S ANGELS!

It airs this Thursday on ABC. Since I'm deep into writing the second novel in the Olivia Davis series, I'm excited to see what the angels do to solve the crimes. I'm hoping to steal a few ideas.


On September 18, also on ABC, is the series premiere of Suburgatory.

A single father moves his carefree teenage daughter to the suburbs from the city. The previous look so fun and quirky and since I'm the queen of quirky, I'm definitely going to be giving this one a try.


BUT.....


I have to admit that I'm most excited about WHITNEY!!!

OMG!! I'm falling on the floor laughing at these promos!



"The silent treatment is not a punishment for your man. It's a reward. They want you to be silent. You have to talk. Talk about your future, your kids names, your cramps. Just keep talking." ~Whitney.

I think this could be the next big sitcom.



What about you? Are you looking forward to any new shows?